feeling rather serious...but just for a minute

was watching the view today. yes, i admit it. i have a strange fascination with the cattiness of five rather unintelligent women debating "the issues that affect us all." barf. today, they had a panel of three young men, all of whom were debating whether or not to enter the catholic (is that imlied? i put it in just in case it wasn't) priesthood. (apparently, there is a special on this sunday.) while genuinely admiring, it was barabara walters who finally asked the question that we all wanted to know the answer to: before choosing a life of celibacy (or, "a life of joy," as one boy put it), have they had sex?

i loved this moment.

one boy said: "well, i have done everything but have intercourse."

uh, in my books, that's a sin. i mean, there's not procreation there. why, that's just all done...for...gasp...fun! sinner! kids today are so loose and easy. if i had a stone for every time i saw someone sinning...this whole town would be bruised and broken.

Walters pointed out that before discarding such a large part of being human, they should at least try it. one boy's pointed rebuttal was "barbara, if i wanted to marry you, would i have to have sex with elizabeth and meredith first?" (uh, hell yes, i know everyone's names)

i love that their answers were all rehearsed. and had been said many times previous. probably by an authority figure. i have this image of them being "taught" what to say.

does this even answer the question? no, it is pointed avoidance. barbara wasn't telling you to stick it to every women you see: she is asking whether you would have sex with the woman you are to marry. so no, before marrying me, you don't have to have sex with my friends or the other women who happen to be cohabitating in a room with me. actually, i'd prefer if you don't. that would only make for rather awkward dinner parties.

before you marry me, the only person you have to worry about "experimenting" it with is me. apparently, these priest boys don't realize that sex happens in different ways and manifests itself differently in different people. what do couples fight about? i would argue: money, housekeeping, sex. and maybe not in that order. modern girl that i am, I simply cannot imagine starting a life with someone before figuring out if we match in the bedroom. apparently, they haven't suffered the (unfortunately) lasting shame of rejection, the frustration of unmatched moods, the oddness of things that "turn people on," and just how important a healthy sex life is to a healthy mental and emotional life. i don't mean to make it all about sex: this is also about love and commitment and trust. to jump into something blindly, on any front, seems to just be asking for trouble. a marriage is enough work and compromise without making it harder than it need be. thankfully, birth control and condoms have reduced the risk for pregnancy and STI's, thus removing the danger of something unwanted. in this day and age, it seems almost ridiculous to jump to buying the movie when you can simply download it before you invest.

When the boys were asked about whether a priest should be celibate, they all agreed that yes, they should. because "you can't have two spouses." one boy said. "people always think of what you are giving up, not what you are gaining." "choosing christ is choosing a life of joy." wow. that christ love is some powerful drug. and fortunately, the church has a wonderful track record about how successful repressing sexual urges are.

"the catholic church educates, feeds, clothes, and saves more people daily than any other organization." another quote. unfortunately, i would also argue that it represses, ignores, fakes, shames, and disrespects more people than any other organization. all three of these boys proudly claim to have participated in demonstrations outside abortion clinics, that they do not believe women should take birth control, and that homosexuality is a sin. i fear this.

belief and faith are wonderful things. there are so so many positive examples of spiritual (of all faiths), people who use their lives as powerful examples of decency and charity. these are not people who turn their backs on whole elements of their personalities, they are people who choose their own truths and live by them as best they can while respecting the truths of others. they try and they fall and they fail and they succeed, like all of us do. and their examples are so much more powerful than those from simply preach from a top a high horse, who don't seem to see human fallibility. i learn much more about myself from falling off my bike than i do from cruising downhill.