i got bit with the nostaligic bug this morning. in my junk mail, i recieved a survey about how i found the humanities program at Carleton. so then i decided i wanted to check out the web page, you know, see what is going on back up in good ol'Ottawa. well, things look like they are progressing well. they are just progressing without me being there, or really, without anyone i know being there. we had such a fun group of people and we had four years together. when you are nineteen old, four years is a long long time. my entire adult life. a lot of firsts happened in those years. and suddenly, i had this pang that that group, and that life, that is quite permanently gone. those people will never be in the same city again. we will never be in humanities again. on an average night, looking for something to do, those people will not be the ones who live a street or two away. rebecca is out west, mike and ciara are in asia, drew is in berlin, emily is living up north (but will come...maybe), julia is in richmond hill (you'd think i'd see her more than i do!), amanda is studing in northern ontario in a town that for the life of me i cannot remember...and those are the ones i can remember off the top of my head. heck, i'm not even in ottawa anymore.

i am loving living in toronto. its hilarious to live with my little brother (who knew?), its wonderful to only live an hour from jarrod (preserves a little spontaneity), library school has turned out to be a blast (if you are a bunch of nerds, therefore having many friends, are you still nerds?)...but i suppose this is what life is, right? having happy memories that you value--not wanting to turn back the clock, not wanting to be there again (and i certainly don't want to be twenty, twenty two, twenty three again...(i left out twenty one, cause well, maybe i'd do belgium again...). but having memories that can just, stop your heart for a second. a brief reminder of life and living and how this present was not always the present and how it will never be the present again. which leads me to realize, what this really means, i should get out of the humanities frame of mind, go do a work out, clean up a bit (again) for my guests, and get my head back into the present. an old friend is visiting just for the evening. sometimes the past does visit again. thankfully!